New Decade New Dreams

Happy New Year to you! 

Today I am going to tell you something and I want you to listen!  You have the time!  Far too often I hear people saying the reason they haven’t done something is because they don’t have time. I know you may be saying, “Jay you don’t know my life or my schedule.” You would be correct in saying this, but, I do know that you have not been given any more or less time in a day than any other person. It’s what you’ve chosen to dedicate that time to that is different. So, as I said before. You have the time! You might not have the time today, but you have the time. 

Think about the people you said you would meet up with last year that you still haven’t seen. Think about the people you said you would call or text days, weeks, and sometimes months ago and that you haven’t.  Think about the time you said you would make for yourself, that you haven’t made. 

Now, think about the things you do make time for.  Why do those things get the privileged of your time and attention? For many of you, I know work gets the lions share of your attention and time. Work gets put above everything else. The main reason being, you have to work to make a living.  You need to feed your family, and keep a roof over your head and food on the table. You work so that those you love can be comfortable. You work to make sure your future is financially stable and secure.  All of these things are true but I challenge you to keep in mind that presence in many case is far more valuable than money. 

Absolutely make the time to make the money, but also make the time to enjoy life and the people you love.  I’m sure many of you have heard the saying, “give people their flowers while they can still smell them.” The same goes with you. Show people they are important by making time for them. You telling people they are important but never making the time to see, talk, or spend time with them, your message of caring can sometimes get lost. 

We have 353 days left in this year. 353 days to make time for ourselves and for others. Give all the hugs, say all the positive words, enjoy the meals in good company, and remember, while work is important, they people can never be replaced. Make the money, make the connections, and make the time. Don’t be the person looking back and says, “I wish I would have”, be the person saying, “I’m glad I did!”

Here is today’s Motivation 

“ A life well lived, is long enough”

~ Seneca

Closing The Year On A High Note

Here we are, ushering in the last Monday of the year and the decade! I truly hope this year has been one of gains, growth, and development. I hope you have met or exceeded whatever goals you set for yourself. I hope when the clocks strikes 11:59 you will look back with smiles and forward with ambition. Leave your bad habits, negative thoughts, and self pity in the past. Replace them with new, creative, positive, and prosperous idea and behaviors.

In the coming year, instead of being stifled by fear and uncertainty ask yourself what is it that you have to gain. I see so many people stuck in the same habits and situations because all they think about is what they might lose. They are afraid of changing jobs, changing cities, changing friend, changing romantic partners, changing majors, changing associates, changing habits, and changing their way of thinking. 

Yes, there is a comfort in knowing, but there is no growth there. If you have reached the level of mastery and no longer find things challenging or interesting, it’s time for a change. The unknown is only scary until it becomes known. 

In the next two days we will usher in not only a new year but a new decade. We have 10 fresh years to be and become more than we ever thought or  dreamed we could.  Bottled inside you are mentors, entrepreneurs, great ideas, cures, great works of art, educators, travelers, athletes, artists, coaches, CEOs, awesome parents, amazing friends, and bomb ass humans. It’s up to you to let that person shine. 

Think of something you’ve dreamed of but never thought you could achieve, now go make it happen. It may take training, grit, patience, determination, and steadfastness to see it though, but I know you can do it. There may be setbacks and disappointment, but nothing great comes without failures. Failure shows us what needs to be worked on and refined. You will be frustrated, pissed off, discouraged, exhausted, and overwhelmed, but hold steady. There will be people who tell you that you are not good enough or don’t have what it takes. Mute their negativity. You are trying to do something they haven’t dared to do. 

I once heard a chess enthusiast say, “if you see a good move don’t take it, look harder, because a better move is always there.” Study the board that is your life. Recognize your good moves, and then seek out the great ones. 

Here is today’s Motivation 

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”

~ Helen Keller

To-Do or Not To-Do

We have come to the time of year when task and to-do lists can get very long. The stress and pressure to get everything done can feel a bit overwhelming. Before tensions get high and patience gets short, I encourage you all to take a look at those task and to-do lists and break them down into manageable pieces. Remember, everything does not have to get done in a single day. Keep in mind that procrastinating, in most case, is not going to help. Make it a point to knock off a couple of items a day.

Jot down the things you would like to accomplish this week and set yourself the goal of clearing the list by Friday. Make the list manageable, maybe 2 or 3 items a day. Focus on those items, do not let yourself get distracted. Once you complete those tasks, celebrate your success, and then wait until the following day to complete the next set.  

Keep in mind that unexpected things can and will happen, so plan for those. Computers break down, kids get sick, cars need repairs. All of these things can add pressure and additional items to the to-do list. Freaking out is not going to help, do your best to keep a calm and level head. Repeat to yourself if needed, “I CAN DO THIS!”

This week I encourage you all to prioritize your to-do lists. Move some of the items that have been pushed to the bottom for way to long to the top. Knock out the old things to make space for the new ones. Create a plan of action and execute with confidence. Make it a great week everyone 

Here is today’s Motivation 

“ It is wise to direct your anger towards problems-not people; to focus your energies on answers-not excuses.”

~ William Arthur Ward


Why worry?

Over the past few days I have been thinking a lot about worry. How often do we worry and stress ourselves about things that most likely are not going to happen? We get ourselves all upset thinking about what could be vs acknowledging what actually is. We worry about people’s opinions of us, work, relationships, money, our families, our goals, and our position in life. We often think and expect the worst, when in actuality, the probability of everything being all right is pretty high. 

This week I encourage you all to think the best of things. Approach your challenges as if you cannot lose or fail.  Sure, it is going to take work, but you are up to the task and you have what it takes. If you are unsure, ask for help. If someone scoffs at your request for assistance, ask someone else. Do not stoop down unless you are trying to lift someone up. Know that things are going be just fine.  Make it a great week everyone.

Here is today’s Motivation 

Think not that humility is weakness; it shall supply the marrow of strength to thy bones. Stoop and conquer; bow thyself and become invincible.

~ Charles Spurgeon


A Rainy Saturday In October

As I was riding my bike on a rainy Saturday in October, I started thinking about my journey toward simplicity. How I transitioned from consuming thoughtlessly to spending minimally. How daily visits to the store transformed into meals being home made. I thought about how a week without spending brought me a peace that continuous consumption never could.

As the aromas of home cooking fills my studio apartment I think of how this journey began. How a 400 square foot multipurpose space and a wall full of totes landed me here. 

Let me tell you about those totes. They were your standard medium sized, lidded, plastic storage containers. They were full of items that I’d collected over multiple moves. Inside were a slurry of items; picture frames, photo alums, costumes, old notebooks, cooking utensils, emergency survival gear, hair care products, photography equipment, Christmas decorations, old books, clothes, shoes, etc. You name it, I probably had it in a tote. 

I had so many totes, that at one point I forgot what was in them. Did the green one or the blue one have notebooks and writing tools? What did I put into the gray one? Was it extra blankets, or miscellaneous items. I think those are frames in the light gray one, but those could be albums. 
Then there were the brown paper boxes, who new what was in those. Those boxes had been packed years ago. Back when I still lived in the South and had just moved when I moved. There they were, like an invading army of “what they hell is all of this?” My entire adult life, loosely organized in paper and plastic boxes. The totes were so plentiful that when I ran out of space at my place, I had to take the additional ones to a family members house for storage.

For years I stared at that wall of plastic and paper. Occasionally opening one or two to dig out a long forgotten item momentarily remembered. As the years passed, the collection grew. 10 totes became 12, 12 became 14, and the size of the totes increase as well. The more I consumed the more totes I would buy. Until one day, as a wobbly tower of totes began to topple above me. At that moment I decide that I needed to make a change. I concluded that it was my lack of organization not my spending that was the issue. If I wanted to get ride of the totes, I needed to create more space. My brilliant idea; buy shelving! Yes, I was going to add more to my already cramped space. Off to Ikea I went. First I bought a book shelf, then a desk, then a 4 cube stand, then a 8 cube stand. I was going to get organized before the totes killed me. 

I pulled the totes out one by one and emptied their content onto the floor. I shredded and threw away old papers, I consolidated like items, I placed everything that could fit on a shelf on one. I organized the shelves so that I could easily see what I had. Heavily used items were placed in the front, infrequently used items were neatly tucked in the back. Items that were seasonal or used for a specific purpose were placed back in a tote. Slowly but surely, I watched the tower of totes dwindle from 14 to 6. While the shelving did help me get organized, I still had the issue of unnecessary spending. At one point I looked around and discovered that I had multiples of multiple items. I had 4 sets of skillets, 4 sets of pots and pans, three knife sets, two printers, three scanners, two hand mixers, 3 sets of measuring cups, 4 sets of plates, 6 cameras of varying types, 30-50 pens and markers, 40 bottles of nail polish, 3 tripods, 2 monopods, 2 vacuums (only one worked) and those were just the items that stuck out. 

My far too frequent impulse purchases were beginning to crowd the little space I had created. I would justify the purchases by saying I had a “need” for them. I needed those new pairs of shoes because they would make a cute outfit. I needed those headphone to drown out the sounds of my morning commute, screaming babies, and noisy co-workers. I needed 15 picture frame to hold all the photo’s I was going to eventually print (on one of the two printers) and hang up. I need, I need, I need. When in reality it was, I want, I want, I want. But why did I want them? What purpose were all these purchases serving to a person who was $25,000 in debt, other than to offer fast fading flickers of happiness?

I would stress over paying my debts and then browse Amazon looking for my next cheap thrill. That was until, the joy of the find began to wane. I looked around and asked myself, “what purpose do these items serve?” Why is it that you have developed this habit of consumption? That was a question I did not have an answer to. So, on January 1, 2017, I decided to stop. I decided it was time to get serious about my finances, clear my debt, and move my net worth into the positives. With 40 looming a few short years over the horizon, I could no longer use the excuse of youthful ignorance. If my life was going to be different, it was going to be because I made it so. 

2017, the year of no unnecessary spending. Once I commit to a goal, there is almost no stopping me from achieving its and my year of minimal spending would be no different. I bought the items I needed, and very few others. I bought new clothes only when the old ones wore out (i.e the pair of jeans I had to replace when I ripped a whole up the butt), and the dress and shoes I needed for my sisters wedding. I saved 10% of every paycheck and committed to paying off two of my 8 credit cards (I forgot to mention I was spending money I didn’t really have). Given my income, these were monumental feats. Over the year, I realized that most of what we want we really don’t need, and once you break the habit of consuming you stop missing it. By the end of 2017, I had successfully paid off those two cards, and was extremely proud of how far I had come. My emergency fund was growing and I was moving steadily towards net positive.  All this on top of having to care for my sick mother at the beginning of the year and my sick father at the end. 

Enter 2018, building on the momentum I’d gained for my minimal spending year, I made the commitment to cook 95% of my meal at home and continue saving 10% of each paycheck. I was not sure of how much eating in would save me, but I knew I had a problem with external eating and snacking that needed to be addressed. The snacks were a bit more challenging than the meals to give up. I stayed true to my 95% home cooked meals even while traveling. Others treating me to meals out was ok, as long as I didn’t spend any money. By the end of the year, I had saved over $1000 on food and had managed to pay off another credit card. 

With the previous two years having gone so well I was sure I was poised for success in 2019. The year started off strong but quickly got derailed with one very unexpected and expensive occurrence. My car decided to break down, and by break down I mean stopped in the middle of the street smoking.  $2500 in repairs later, the car decided it wanted to stay broken. This expense hurt my savings and left me feels pretty down. I had been doing so well. Riding high on my success and then in one day, it all came tumbling down. 

In the wake of the car incident, my frivolous spending increased. I started eating out more, stopping at the store for snacks and treats, and buying small items via Amazon. In addition to the massive car expense, I had a weekend where I spent an unexpected $600, and then I had the expense of a sick pet. Buying cleaning supplies for my pets endless accidents, and then her ultimate demise, left me in a state of depression. Cue more spending. I got to the point where I was looking at my monthly register of expenses and seeing hundreds to thousands of dollars gone on random stuff I didn’t remember, which brought me back to the question of why? 

Why, that same question I asked myself when I was staring at that wall of totes filled with the unwieldy decisions of my past. I was again filling my life with pointless things, when it was not about the things at all. It was about the feelings I was trying to sooth with each purchase. Hoping those items would fill a piece of an ever expanding void but in the end only ending up boxing me in and weighing me down. So, I stopped. I put a halt to all spending. If I was going to be financially free and happy, it was not going to be because of things. It was going to be because I chose to be, which brings me back to a rainy Saturday in October.

Blocking Out The Critics

They go by many names, haters, critics, cynics. They are those people who always find faults, flaws, and errors in whatever you are doing. They swear up one side and down the other that can or could do whatever is it you are ding only better.

Now, this could be true, but I have just one question for these individuals, “ Why haven't you done it?”

It’s football season so the couch coaching and commentary are in full effect. Yelling and screaming at displays. Criticizing decisions and plays.  This couch coaching does not limit itself to athletics. You find it in news, schools, offices, and your everyday life.  They are the nay sayers and down players. Those who scrutinize your work, searching for errors and flaws that they would have no clue how to fix. It’s easy to be a critic. Easy to say what you would do or could do while you are not doing it. What’s not easy is having the courage to try. I applaud all of you who have had that courage. You made yourself and your skills and creations available, which sets you apart from the millions of people who haven’t.

I had an artist once tell me, “I was not and am not the best at what I do, I am the most reliable and the most consistent.” That message resonated with me because he was right. Often we are searching for perfection when all we need is presence and persistence.

This week I encourage you all to be diligent and persistent. Block out the noise of the couch coaches and the critics. Be courageous in your pursuits. Display, consistency, persistence and reliability. Be the person who has the courage and bravery to do, and don’t be the person yelling into the ears of those who cannot hear you.

Make it a great week

Here is today’s Motivation

 “ I am a dreamer, a doer and I get things done.”

~ Zaheera Walker

Make It Meaningful

There is that sweet spot in life. When everything is as it should be. You have time to enjoy the feelings of youth but you have the stability and wisdom that comes with age. It's a beautiful place, like the meetings of two universes. Where the lessons from the past project your insight to the future.

Some will never see old age while others will live far beyond the years of usefulness. I am not qualified to say when that is, but you know it when you get there.

During that time, between the lung filling screams of birth, and the slow paced breaths of death, we have this middle ground, called life. And at this midpoint, we find wisdom and ourselves.

For those those who are there, share what you have learned. For those who are ascending, learn to listen and observe. Learn to absorb and not just exists. Learn to be, to see, to hear, to speak, and to be quiet. Understand that you will never always have full understanding.

Do not carry anger or resentment. Allow yourself to heal and be healed. Allow yourself to give and feel joy. In the history that is time, we are only here for a brief fraction. So make it meaningful.

Here is today’s Motivation:

 “The goal isn’t to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.”

~Chuck Palahniuk

Destination Unknown

I went back and forth about what I should write and settled on sharing with you one of my brain dumps. An unplanned word release that I had a few months back. Maybe I have shared this before, maybe I haven’t, either way, I hope you enjoy it.

“Live your life the best way you know how. Don't live it behind the lens. Experience it! Make your story, don’t wait for it happen to you. Be kind to people. See and experience beautiful things. Feel and give the most selfless kind of love. Be passionate about something. Dwell in today. Be thankful for the lessons you have learned and the experience that have molded you.  Your unique thoughts can never come out of someone else's mind or mouth. If you can’t find what you are looking for, create it. Don't wait for someone else to build your vision. The world needs more fresh ideas. Whatever your story turns out to be, make it substantial in its own right.

Dreams come at unusual times, so follow those dreams. Listen and learn from them. You never know what direction they are pointing you in. Be the captain of your journey, and the pilot of your pursuits. Keep the wind at your back and travel beyond where your eyes can see. The horizon is just the beginning, here's to a long life of stories with a glorious endings.”

Make it a great week everyone

Here is today’s Motivation:

“ With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.”

~ Eleanor Roosevelt.

Outsourcing Intelligence

Recently, while dealing with a bought of insomnia, I got a chance to do some deep thinking. The kind of thinking that happens when distractions are minimal and your thoughts wander into strange and magnificent places.

Being that I work in the tech industry, I started thinking a lot about outsourcing, and how over the years we have outsourced so many things, including our memories, intelligence, and personal information.

Think about it, how many phone numbers do you actually remember? How many birthdays, anniversaries, and life events are stored in your brain vs on a hard drive or server? If I had to guess, I would say, very few. We are engulfed in this new, tech centered way of life. We are living our lives through camera lenses, text messages, e-mails, and calendar events.

Some would say outsourcing the small things, allows you time to focus on the bigger, more important items but, is this true? From my observation, even those big important things are being outsourced. When did being present become passé? We outsource for efficiency, but are we really being more efficient or are we allowing ourselves to become overloaded?

So, what do we do? How do we retrain our brains to store and retrieve information? How do we exist in the now and have the ability to recall it later?

This week I encourage you all to think locally. Instead of using the camera on your phone to document that beautiful sunset or that funny story your kids told, just listen to and experience it. Be completely present. Focus on the experience and the words instead of holding the camera steady. Try not overbooking your schedule to the point where you can’t possible remember everything. I know what I am suggesting sounds crazy and unrealistic to some of you, but trust me, it’s worth a try. Your brain is this big beautiful organ that has the capacity to do amazing things when it’s allowed to, so let it!. Make it a great week everyone

Here is today’s Motivation

 “Life becomes more meaningful when you realize the simple fact that you’ll never get the same moment twice”~ unknown

Keep It Simple, Keep It Sexy

Always,

Jacquai (Jay)

Revisiting

After a busy weekend of visiting and festivities, I am in a happy yet exhausted place. It was great to see faces and people I have not seen in many many years. The weekends events made me think a lot about revisiting past events and experiences.

Sometime people and opportunities enter our lives at inopportune times. They show up when were are involved in other things or with other people. At these times we are force to make a choice, seize the opportunity, or let it pass. Whatever we choose, these choices effect future events in our lives.

On some rare occasions, the opportunity represents itself. By now we have grown and changed as people. We have a bit more life under our belts and we able to see what we missed by letting it go the first time.

If you are fortunate enough to have a once in a lifetime opportunity happen twice, consider yourself extremely lucky. The stars have aligned and fate is telling you something. Be sure to listen, take advantage, and be grateful.

Make it a great week everyone

Here is today’s Motivation

“ At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them.”

~ Grey’s Anatomy